I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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