your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
