his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
be right there i have to get my cape
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
