you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
