I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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