I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
