ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
