the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
