A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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