HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
