i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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