Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
its liver damage thursday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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