Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
