After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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