I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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