and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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