new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
