i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
