just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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