I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
