I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
