Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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