So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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