he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
