How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
