Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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