When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
