Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
