Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
