Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
