So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
