Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
