I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
