She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
