They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
