I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
