I faked an abortion last night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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