well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
