i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
