did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
