I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
