onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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