Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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