mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
