let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
