Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
