i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
