I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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