Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
