I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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