Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
