just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
