At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
