I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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