I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
