i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
