you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I forgot how hot balto sounded
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
